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Fay and Fluke

Country: London and New Zealand

Date to Memorialize: 2017/04 and 2021/04

How could I have ever believed life was going to be easier without you?

How do we not see that we cut out a piece of ourselves we will hurt. It is a part of me. In a way I cut a heart out of my body. My second heart.

Life was never going to be without you again from the moment of conception. You are in my thoughts all the time and as the years go by, I feel you grow rather than disappear. Oh, how I wish the world would see it as I do, and women would support each other and tell each other the truth. Why was it such a big favor to ask for a place to be? To just focus on what matters. That being LIFE and LOVE. Not money and material stuff. Circumstances change, finances change, accidents happen, and people get sick or healthy. We can't plan everything, but we need to TRUST.

Yes, I was free again after the abortions. But I did not aspire any of what mattered to me before.

Behind me are seven years of an odyssey. Crossing oceans and running away from myself and everything I once accepted as society. learning Basic family bonds that I have never experienced in our developed world. Getting used and disappointed by men again and again. Never getting anywhere.

How I wish I had been brave and trusted in God and myself. How I wish I could be your mum in this life and watch you grow


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