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Forever missing you


Date to Memorialize: 3 Dates: 05-2019 / 09-2020 / 09-2022

I am ashamed of myself. I can't find the words to describe the pain in my heart. I want you to know that I had no choice, no options in keeping you. The feeling of being incapable is unimaginable. I Come from a country and a society that left me really no choice. No one in the world would ever be able to imagine the pain I felt every time I faced this choice in 3 occasions.

The nature gave my three babies the chance of life and I took it away. My first baby 05-2019, my second baby 09-2020 and my third baby 09-2022. There are 3 holes in my soul that could never be filled. I am a sad person and will always be. I am a loser and I've always hurted people who loved me the most including you and my family. I was and still incapable of providing any appropriate life for you neither economical nor moral. I don't have an income, I don't have anything, I live in dependency, I'm not settled in anything, and even your fathers none of them was happy to know about you or ready to acknowledge you.

I failed in choosing good fathers for you. I've failed in everything. I've chosen not to bring you to a world where everyone would be against you since day 1 and with such an incapable mother. I live in a country that doesn't give any support to single mothers and kids and a society that would mark them all their lives.

I'm sorry that I was such an incapable person, I'm sorry that you had such a terrible mother a mother who didn't deserve any of you. To my eyes you are and always be a tretreasure and a real blessing.

I'll never forget your heartbeat; I'll never forget the warmth you brought in me during the few days we spent together. The company of each of you was different and unique. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I just want you to know that I LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER and I did what I thought was best for us all and what was best for you in the first place. I'm not happy with my life, I'm a lost soul and I wouldn't want you to get lost with me in such a cruel world. I don't know where you might be in the cosmos but I'm sure that God will find you a better place than with me since I might be cursed.


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