Country: Florence Alabama Date to Memoralise: 10/13/2021
My heart aches so much, it was something I never wanted to do. Under better circumstances I wouldn’t do it all, you have three siblings that would’ve love to have you here and I dread the day I have to tell them but now they’re too little to understand.
But then again I don’t think they will ever understand why I had to do it.
See right now we live in a tiny trailer, your three siblings share one small room, it has a lot that needs to be fixed up, your dad just lost his job after having Covid and following up with strep throat, three weeks was too long to take off. While he waits for another job what he is getting tighter and tight. When your dad nigh made a painful decision to let you go to heaven I think it shattered us both, but we both try to hide from each other. I try to prevent myself from getting attached but once you carry a special be in your stomach they grow in your heart, nothing Will be able to stop that.
I look at your siblings so what are what she would do with your life what she would be, would you have a head full of hair like your brother or would you be bald like your older sister, would you have my hazel eyes or would you actually be my first blue-eyed baby because she took after your dad. Would you be a boy or a girl? I have names picked out for both and I tell God to please give you your names, I told God if you were a boy that your name is Zachary James and if you were a girl your name was Veronica “Roni” Neveah (after your grandfather Ronnie in heaven). I pray one day you can forgive me but what I had to do, Though I don’t thinking can even forget myself. Please know that your mom and your dad and your sisters and your brother love you so much and we don’t even know you. I know your brothers sisters don’t even know you existed yet, but they tell me all the time but they want a little sibling, I think that’s what makes it harder, not only am I getting rid of my child but I’m also taking away my children’s brother or sister. As much as it pains me, I would not want to bring a baby home no I have a space for the baby, and not have time for the baby and my other kids, Not having money. I feel in my heart that this was the right decision but I also feel in my heart that I will never get over this. Do you have a foot prints for my heart that will never go away, and honestly I don’t want them to. There won’t be a funeral for you or a week but you deserve to be treated like you existed. I have a memorial for you that has the pregnancy test and the only ultrasound I have of you if that is so no whatever forgets you. And of course we each have a button. I have sent you a button by balloon and I have kept one as well and until we and our button Reunite, you will always be in my heart
